Hey it's a living...undone

I was so flustered and just outright destroyed by my job yesterday. The stress put on me and overall incompetence from others was actually drowning me. It still amazes me that many of these people, coworkers and residents alike, have managed to stay alive as long as they have with the way they act and how they choose to handle certain situations. I can just see them sitting around, picking their noses, only to swallow their own tongues or just stop breathing because their brain stopped working..but don't worry cuz it'd still somehow be my fault. "Why weren't you watching me? You know what an idiot stick I am. How could you let me swallow my own tongue? No one told me that I needed air to continue with my existence...oh wait, it's actually written on this note you gave me earlier. But I didn't know I was supposed to read the note with my name on the top of the page once you handed it to me. This is all your fault." I've never heard the words "this is unacceptable" more in my life than in the past 3 1/2 years that I've worked here.
So I started to write about it and share all the gory details, but then I decided to resist... I guess out of fear of having someone higher up at my job read this. I'm pretty confident they never would, but there's still that little bit of fear. I guess I'll have to save that novel of a venting session for the day after I quit, or at least give my 2 weeks. Note to self: writing things online for others to read when you're that stressed and angry at the day may seem like a good idea at the time, but it's probably best to cool off before publishing it...Sure, it can be edited later, but it can't be completely undone.

I'm trying to be more empowered. I think I'm doing all right with it tho I'm sure I could do better. Over the past couple days, there's been a hot guy at the gym that seems to be everywhere I am. Tall, tan, buff...and I'm pretty confident he's got a great personality, is a christian and is funny as all get-out. I have no sort of reasoning for that other than it fits with my dream. No I've never spoken to him, but that goes a bit with my empowerment thing. So, I catch him sneaking glances at me. If I'm at a machine, it seems like he goes out of his way to walk in front of me. If I'm working out near the water fountain, he seems to be oddly thirsty several times for those few minutes and makes trips back and forth...Not sure if he's lookin cuz he thinks I'm cute or if I've had some sort of funk on my face for the past few days that I haven't noticed, but I've decided to think it's the first option. However, my non-romance with the gym hotty came to a stand-still. Yesterday, he was talking to some girl working out near me. Didn't hear what they talked about because I was trying not to care and it wasn't any of my business. It seemed like they knew each other tho it didn't seem romantic..more sibling talk, but again, that could just be me telling myself that. I only saw them talk once for about a minute and I left shortly there after to go downstairs and walk on the treadmill. I set the machine to walk for 15 minutes...about 11 minutes in, I decided that I'd had enough. As I'm about to push the stop button, guess who steps on the treadmill RIGHT NEXT to me? Yup, Gymbo Hottison! So, I decide to stay on the treadmill for the remaining few minutes. I thought to myself, "Should I smile at him? Do I say hi? Is it inappropriate to slap his very toned butt in the middle of the gym?" (Mostly just kidding about that last part...) But then I decided not to. I glanced over in his very general direction a couple times but I decided that if I wanted to be and stay empowered, if he wanted to smile or say hi to me, he'd do it. Now that I think about it, I've been trying to at least act more empowered since I saw that "He's just not that into you" movie. I had read the book before but actually seeing these poor women act so illogical really made me think. So I figured, if he thinks I'm cute, he's more than welcome to make it known...or if he knows how to wink without looking like he's got something in his eye, he should try that. Note to you guys out there: A good wink has the power to actually make my knees a little weak.