Are you listening?...I'm sorry, I wasn't listening. What?

I have a coworker that doesn't listen...at all...ever...in any sense of the word. For the sake of this posting, lets refer to this person as "Shouty" because the tone of this persons voice far exceeds anything I've ever come in contact with. Shouty yells...doesn't scream, just yells. The closest I can think of that you would be able to relate to is like talking to someone that stood next to a 7' tall speaker during a rock concert. Because they can't hear themselves, they assume you can't hear them either so they yell. With Shouty, you could be answering a question Shouty asked you or talking about something important and work related and Shouty'd interrupt you mid sentence or, my personal favorite, talk loudly over you before you're able to finish your thought. If you ask any normal human being, they might consider this behavior rude. I've realized over the past few months that Shouty is far from any definition of normal.

Now, I don't think Shouty does it to be rude. Shouty does it because she's not listening. Typical example: Shouty'll storm into my office like a tornado, interrupt me while I'm talking on the phone to a resident or to another individual in my office to just ask me a "quick question". (Note: just because it's quick doesn't make the intrusion justified.) I'll begin to answer Shouty's "quick question" and half way thru, Shouty'll interrupt me again and then dart out of my office. 4 minutes later, can you guess who will storm back into my office, ask the same question in a different way, and then dart out again? Oh, that'd be Shouty. (Different question example: Ques #1 - Did you talk to Mrs. Smith today about her cleaning? Ques #2 - Have you had a chance to call Mrs. Smith about her problem? Ques #3 - I was just wondering if any contact between you and Mrs. Smith has transpired between 7:30am today and now? Ques #4 - Hath thou communicated with thine gentle lady Smith to rectify the unpleasantry that hath caused her castle-sized distress? I may have taken that last one too far). This happens anywhere from 5-15 times daily. I've counted that Shouty's asked me the same question over 8 times in a single day. I think a key factor to recognizing insanity is asking the same (or similar, even if you word it differently) question over and over again expecting a different answer. I've gone so far as to snap my fingers at Shouty as she's talking to me while I'm ON THE PHONE with a resident. I realize it's rude to snap at people, but so is storming into a room yelling. I've had to ask residents to repeat themselves because Shouty's talking drowned them out.
You're probably thinking, "This can't be all true. She's obviously over exaggerating. People that obnoxious don't exist anymore." But I say to you, I have witnesses. If you were to ask one of my other dear coworkers who takes just as much of this bologna (had to sing the song to make sure that was spelled right) as I do, if not more, she would be able to confirm all I've stated.

Another part of Shouty's not listening is even more of a pain in the bum than the first example. Shouty will often come to me and ask my opinion on a work situation. This makes sense. Shouty hasn't even been working on the property for a year yet. I have no problem giving my input on certain situations, especially if I'm more familiar with the situation or have dealt with a similar situation prior. 9 out of 10 times, Shouty will do the EXACT OPPOSITE of what my suggestion is. Tried to tell Shouty to lay off someone who was doing a horrible job before their 3 month review so that we didn't need to have all sorts of paperwork and involve HR...Nope. Kept the person who then got injured at work and was all but useless for over 3 months. Shouty asked if I wanted a certain person she introduced me to as my assistant, I said no...hired the person THE NEXT DAY!! I've really tried to refrain from giving my opinion when Shouty asks for it anymore. I mostly just listen now. Shouty'll come roaring in my office, tell me all about her day, all the stuff that has to be done (which doesn't involve me...). On average, Shouty takes up about 2-3 hours a day of my time with useless crap. Whether it's asking me to do a task, taking too long to explain how she'd like it done, then coming back 20 minutes later to let me know she just did it, all the while I was working on it as well or having me work on/fill out/create things that will never be used.

I'm sure there are more reasons, but I'm confident that this is a MAJOR part of why I'm an unhappy stressed out person on a regular basis. I used to be pleasant. My eye didn't use to twitch nearly as often. My throat didn't use to be sore all the time from having to yell just to be heard when someone asked my opinion. When someone would repeat themselves, I used to take it in stride versus now where I take off my shoe and slap them across the face with it (Sorry to most of you that I've done that to...not as sorry to the few that had it coming.)

Hey it's a living...undone

I was so flustered and just outright destroyed by my job yesterday. The stress put on me and overall incompetence from others was actually drowning me. It still amazes me that many of these people, coworkers and residents alike, have managed to stay alive as long as they have with the way they act and how they choose to handle certain situations. I can just see them sitting around, picking their noses, only to swallow their own tongues or just stop breathing because their brain stopped working..but don't worry cuz it'd still somehow be my fault. "Why weren't you watching me? You know what an idiot stick I am. How could you let me swallow my own tongue? No one told me that I needed air to continue with my existence...oh wait, it's actually written on this note you gave me earlier. But I didn't know I was supposed to read the note with my name on the top of the page once you handed it to me. This is all your fault." I've never heard the words "this is unacceptable" more in my life than in the past 3 1/2 years that I've worked here.
So I started to write about it and share all the gory details, but then I decided to resist... I guess out of fear of having someone higher up at my job read this. I'm pretty confident they never would, but there's still that little bit of fear. I guess I'll have to save that novel of a venting session for the day after I quit, or at least give my 2 weeks. Note to self: writing things online for others to read when you're that stressed and angry at the day may seem like a good idea at the time, but it's probably best to cool off before publishing it...Sure, it can be edited later, but it can't be completely undone.

I'm trying to be more empowered. I think I'm doing all right with it tho I'm sure I could do better. Over the past couple days, there's been a hot guy at the gym that seems to be everywhere I am. Tall, tan, buff...and I'm pretty confident he's got a great personality, is a christian and is funny as all get-out. I have no sort of reasoning for that other than it fits with my dream. No I've never spoken to him, but that goes a bit with my empowerment thing. So, I catch him sneaking glances at me. If I'm at a machine, it seems like he goes out of his way to walk in front of me. If I'm working out near the water fountain, he seems to be oddly thirsty several times for those few minutes and makes trips back and forth...Not sure if he's lookin cuz he thinks I'm cute or if I've had some sort of funk on my face for the past few days that I haven't noticed, but I've decided to think it's the first option. However, my non-romance with the gym hotty came to a stand-still. Yesterday, he was talking to some girl working out near me. Didn't hear what they talked about because I was trying not to care and it wasn't any of my business. It seemed like they knew each other tho it didn't seem romantic..more sibling talk, but again, that could just be me telling myself that. I only saw them talk once for about a minute and I left shortly there after to go downstairs and walk on the treadmill. I set the machine to walk for 15 minutes...about 11 minutes in, I decided that I'd had enough. As I'm about to push the stop button, guess who steps on the treadmill RIGHT NEXT to me? Yup, Gymbo Hottison! So, I decide to stay on the treadmill for the remaining few minutes. I thought to myself, "Should I smile at him? Do I say hi? Is it inappropriate to slap his very toned butt in the middle of the gym?" (Mostly just kidding about that last part...) But then I decided not to. I glanced over in his very general direction a couple times but I decided that if I wanted to be and stay empowered, if he wanted to smile or say hi to me, he'd do it. Now that I think about it, I've been trying to at least act more empowered since I saw that "He's just not that into you" movie. I had read the book before but actually seeing these poor women act so illogical really made me think. So I figured, if he thinks I'm cute, he's more than welcome to make it known...or if he knows how to wink without looking like he's got something in his eye, he should try that. Note to you guys out there: A good wink has the power to actually make my knees a little weak.

Vanity with a dash of thought

I had some random thoughts poppin' thru my head this past weekend but I wasn't able to spread them out over separate blogs cuz I have no Internet access. So I apologize in advance if I jump around. Buck up and just go with it.

I need a hair cut BAD! When I get bored, I pick at my split ends, which I realize is kinda gross but I can't stop myself. Unfortunately, my funds are a bit low and I still have to get my oil changed in my car, as well as buy a new tail light cuz I smashed the other one against a tree (it was 100% my fault but I had been having a bad week and I just wasn't paying attention). So here's my struggle: I have to live with myself and my hair all day every day. I only really drive my car to and from work...but if I don't change the oil soon, it may start to cause more costly damages down the road (haha, truck/road joke). Is it more important to pay for the car or my hair cut? (Most guys wouldn't even have to think tho I wonder how many girls would need to think either, but for the other side of the debate?).. Because I haven't been able to come up with an answer, I've just been ignoring the whole situation and both the hair and truck are slowly getting worse.

I went to the new gym by my apt 4 days last week...cool, right? Hoping to get myself a beach/summer body I can be proud of (or at least not terribly ashamed of). Skipped Wed, Sat and Sun. I need to get out of the mind set that I can't work out on weekends. If anything, it should be the opposite. Weekend workouts will give me more time to work out, might give me some friends to join, and if I go earlier in the day, I'll have more energy. Even went to a yoga class on Thursday and some small blond lady worked me! I've been sore for about a week now from all the working out but in a good way. Not in a "I can't walk without looking like a zombie" way. Now if only I could get what I eat and how much I eat under control. Contrary to popular belief, I don't NEED to have some sort of dessert after every meal. I mean it. Tho enjoyable, I will physically and probably emotionally survive without it. Not sure when this fun trend started but I need to nip it in the butt!

I keep meaning to start a journal but I keep not doing it. I find mind-numbing stuff like movies or crossword puzzles to take up my time instead of actually sitting down and hashin' it out with..well, with myself. I used to do a similar thing when I had to study back in college - I'd clean the entire house/rearrange my room/alphabetize my music and movie collection/etc to avoid having to actually do the task at hand..if they handed out awards for procrastination, I'd totally win one, tho it would take me weeks to go pick up the trophy, haha. This is sort of like a journal but there are still some stuff I'd like to keep out of the public eye (I think I'm the only person to read this, but if it ever "takes off" and another person reads it, I want some stuff kept for myself). I think I'm nervous to get that close to myself. I think I know me pretty well but I think I hide things from myself to make life a little easier. I have an amazing ability to ignore the unpleasant. I wish I had the guts to say what's on my mind, but I don't know if I have it in me. Is that something you can grow into or is it just a gene you are born with? Does outspokenness go hand in hand with confidence?

I've decided I need to stop looking for someone to be with. It's more of a pain than anything else. I'm gonna try and focus on friends and family. If someone comes along, fantastic! But keeping a "nonchalant" eye out all the time gets real old real quick. The last person I really liked just sorta fell upon my life and I liked that. It wasn't pressured. I didn't have to pretend to be someone I wasn't and I think he was the same way. Yeah...yeah, we'll save that story for another day...

Uh oh...the addiction is starting

After I posted my first-ever blog yesterday, I was proud of myself. Regardless if no one reads this ever, I like the idea of getting my thoughts out. Normally, I take pessimistic thoughts, internalize them to the point of undue stress and, eventually, bitterness that has been festering. Blah!

So, almost immediately after I posted my blog yesterday, I wanted to post another one. I didn't even have anything in particular to write about, I just wanted to. I realized that I'm an adult who doesn't need to blog about nothing so I resisted. But then I started to think of other things I could blog about. My life isn't usually all that interesting, especially during the week, but I am finding myself taking little mundane experiences (like going to the book store to further my geek-dom and buy more people puzzler books...don't judge me) and trying to add some sort of spark to them or tweaking them into an interesting experience where everyone did a dance in the middle of the street in perfect unison even tho we were all complete strangers...(geez, back when I had TV, I watched too much of it) I have a feeling the next few weeks are going to be very well logged on here. That is, until the new car smell of blogging fades away. I guess there are a lot more worse things to be addicted to...

I miss my family. Tho last week floats near the top of all time crappy weeks in my life thus far, there were some good bits, too. I got to spend quite a bit of time with my family, both ones that live far away and ones that live within a few minutes. I got to hang out with cousins, aunts, and uncles I hadn't seen in years as well as ones I haven't seen in a few weeks. Although the close ones are almost harder because I used to see them almost daily but for reasons unknown (and some a bit more clear), we've drifted apart. I got to see a part of my family that, tho I wish I never had to see under such horrible circumstances, I'm grateful I saw. Even if it was for a week, I think it brought everyone "back home" and made me appreciate all of them and how much I love and need them in my life. Except for Dave. I hope Dave. Haha!!

A summary of what's to come...can't you just feel "it"?

I decided today would be a good day to start my blog. No particular reason why. I can't think of anything special about today. I'd been thinking about it for a little while now and the time has finally come. Congratulations! I hear so many people talking about their blogs and blogging and how people are "bloggers" so I thought I'd give it a try. I figure worst case, I don't like it and stop...

I've known for a long time that it helps me to write down whats on my mind to get "it" out of my head in hopes to deal with "it" and move on but thru the years, apparently, I've forgotten about this and how much better it makes me feel. Especially when the thoughts are swirlin' around in my head, it's hard to focus on anything. And unfortunately, I've had to deal with a few crumby events over the past few months and writing down my thoughts and feelings seemed to make me feel better, even if only for a short time. For example: I decided to write a letter to someone who I felt had wronged me in ways that I'm not able to discuss until the trial is over (j/k), but as my Mother's daughter who would rather run over my own big toe with a motorcycle than have to deal with confrontation, I wrote it, but never ended up giving it to the person. But that's ok cuz I almost immediately felt better.

So, in addition to funny stories about my life and how that all runs, this will help me vent. I am a big fan of venting by both me to others and letting others vent to me. I try to be a good listener. I believe everyone needs to vent sometimes. Life isn't always fair but as adults, we are told to suck it up and deal, which I agree with. HOWEVER that anger still has to go somewhere. And if it doesn't get out, it will cause knots in your neck and undue stress. I'm darn near positive my close friends and colleagues will be ever so grateful that I have a blog now cuz that means I'm complaining less to them and more to anyone who can stomach it via the world wide web...

On a positive note, I'm gonna try to go to a book store and buy the 3 pack of People Puzzlers! I know what some of you are thinking..."Didn't she already buy and finish the first 2 books?" And the answer is yes. However, with those books, if I didn't know the answer, I'd just cheat and look in the back of the book. With these new ones, I'm gonna try and not do that. Pretty excited in the lamest way possible to start the hours of puzzling!